A number of years ago, legendary North Carolina State University basketball coach Jim Valvano gave a moving, impassioned speech in which he quoted a statement he heard at the age of sixteen, saying it changed his life forever. “Every single day, in every walk of life, ordinary people do extraordinary things.” At face value, the message could easily be taken for granted, but if you truly take pause to notice, you’ll realize it’s so true. I’ve always loved this quote and it came to mind when I was recently fortunate enough to spend the afternoon with Apex resident Karee White.
Karee, a veteran major of the United States Army, and her husband Jim, a veteran first lieutenant, are the parents of nine children—four girls and five boys—all of whom were raised in the Holly Springs/Apex area. Incredibly, their seven oldest children have either served or are presently serving in a branch of the U.S. military. When asked why she believes her children were drawn to serve our country, Karee humbly replied, “It’s always been a part of their lives; it’s what they’ve always known.”
But what the Whites did not know, and could never have expected, was the way the course of all their lives would be forever changed seven years ago. Kimmy, the oldest of their children at twenty-five, the mother of a beautiful three-year-old girl, and an Army captain on active duty in Italy with the 173rd Airborne (post-Afghanistan deployment), was involved in a horrific car accident. En route back to base from a military function, her car was hit from behind by a group of teenagers. Karee and Jim, immediately upon being notified, flew to Italy, rushing to Kimmy’s bedside, and were informed that she suffered a traumatic brain injury and was comatose. The prognosis was grim with doctors initially believing she would not survive, and if by chance she did, the scenario likely being that she would remain in a vegetative state. From that time on and throughout the next year, Karee remained by Kimmy’s side, caring and advocating for her, while Jim came home to manage the day-to-day responsibilities of life at home with their six younger children and his job as a corporate vice-president. “This was definitely one of our hardest years,” said Karee. “Everyone’s life was impacted. There was a great deal of turmoil and stress just trying to figure out how we were going to handle everything.”
When Kimmy was stable enough to be moved, she was transported to Walter Reed Hospital in Washington D.C., and from there she continued rigorous, specialized therapies in a Veteran’s Administration Emerging Consciousness Program. Almost a year after the accident, she was declared to have emerged from the coma. Yet without the capacity to sit up, walk, or speak, decisions needed to be made for long-term care. Karee and Jim explored the limited options in existence for the type of care their daughter would require, but soon realized that none of these facilities could sufficiently meet her needs. Refusing to place their twenty-five-year-old daughter in a nursing home, their choice became clear and the decision was made to bring Kimmy home. The Whites know in their hearts that bringing Kimmy home and caring for her in this loving environment is the reason she is alive today. Karee’s journey as a full-time caregiver was just beginning.
A small cottage on the White’s property was renovated and set up to accommodate Kimmy’s needs and she received necessary, around the clock nursing care provided through the assistance of her VA benefits. But the change in Kimmy’s status from active duty to retired, resulted in the loss of this coverage and limited her to six hours of unskilled care per day. “There have been times during all of this that we were basically brought to our knees, and this was one of those really challenging times,” said Karee. “We were left with eighteen hours a day in which Kimmy needed skilled care that had previously been performed by nurses, now it was left to me, and I was unskilled.” Karee explained that she viewed the dilemma as what she likes to call a “brick wall” and not unlike other predicaments that she had encountered throughout her own military career and professional life, she knew there had to be a way around this.
Researching and tirelessly navigating through the complicated bureaucracy of the VA, all the while providing constant physical care for her daughter, Karee was oftentimes discouraged, but she was never defeated. Eventually, she was able to obtain services for Kimmy through Veteran Directed Care, a program which privatizes care by establishing a budget for the veteran, determined by his or her own specific needs, allowing them to manage their own care and remain in the home, rather than a nursing home. It was a complete game-changer. The flexibility has given Karee the ability to hire a staff of providers, therapists and other support caregivers that she trusts and can rely on to assist in caring for her daughter.
I witnessed the dedication and enthusiasm of several of these individuals during my visit and was so impressed to see their devotion to Kimmy’s well-being. The highlight of my afternoon was meeting Kimmy. Her smile and energy, so much like her mother’s, is contagious. She has a strong personality which I noticed immediately, and I observed her determination as she worked with one of her therapists. Although Kimmy cannot converse, when I speak to her, she is very present and knows what I’m saying. I find myself wishing that she could, because I can easily imagine having a great conversation with this brave woman—listening to her stories of what it must have been like as a soldier in Afghanistan and hearing all about her little girl, Rory. Instead, Karee tells me some of these things and her pride in Kimmy’s accomplishments is evident.
As Kimmy’s voice and primary caregiver, Karee was and remains relentless in her pursuit to find vital resources that will aid in her continued improvement; nevertheless, becoming acutely aware of the toll caretaking brings, she needed resources for herself as well. This led to Karee’s involvement with The Elizabeth Dole Foundation—a non-profit organization founded by the former North Carolina senator, whose mission is “to bring vital attention to the untold stories of military caregivers and seek solutions for the tremendous challenges and long-term needs they face.” Senator Dole recognized the plight of the staggering 5.5 million military and veteran caregivers when her husband, Senator Bob Dole, was a patient at Walter Reed Hospital for a period of time in 2011. Karee’s voluntary affiliation with the organization enables her to share the extensive knowledge she’s gleaned through her own personal experiences and the challenges she and her family have faced.
In 2018, Karee White was appointed as a North Carolina Dole Caregiver Fellow—a prestigious distinction honoring her commitment to other military caregivers. As part of the Foundation’s Hidden Heroes Campaign, she serves as a voice for military caregivers by bringing awareness of their stories through presentations to businesses, churches, community organizations and government leaders at the local, state, and national levels, urging them to actively lend their support. She often shares with them the important fact another Dole Caregiver once reminded her of—that she volunteered to serve but was drafted as a caregiver.
Her passion for the Foundation is especially evident when discussing the benefits it provides for the actual caregivers themselves, like financial aid towards self-care, and tangible programs that give them a break from the everyday demands they face. Karee is particularly excited to be hosting one of these programs, called the Community Navigation Project, in several North Carolina locations, including Raleigh, over the course of the coming year. The theme of the events is based on an art therapy project originally utilized by doctors at Walter Reed Hospital while treating brain-injured military warriors. Called “Unmasking Brain Injury,” the participants painted the outside of paper mache masks in order to express how their brain injury had affected them. “We’re doing a little twist on this idea and calling our project The Other Side of Brain Injury. Caregivers will paint the insides of the masks, giving their perspective on what it’s like to be a caregiver.” The day will provide some needed respite and also includes lunch, a guest speaker, and the chance to interact with others who share their experiences.
In addition to her volunteerism with the Dole Foundation, Karee is also the vice-chairman of the Brain Injury Association of North Carolina; a member of the Durham, NC, VA’s Veteran Engagement Panel Center for Health Services Research; and the founder of the I Love Everyone Foundation, Inc., a non-profit recently established in honor of Kimmy. In 2020, Jim White was chosen by the Dole Foundation as a North Carolina Fellow for his work with the organization!
When asked what motivates Karee to reach out and help countless others when she could so easily be consumed by caring for Kimmy and raising a large family, her answer is a simple one. The primary purpose of her work is to lessen the burden of her fellow caregivers but in doing so, she reaps the reward of a secondary benefit—it brings her tremendous joy, and she wouldn’t have it any other way. When she tells me this, I’m amazed at the way she views her selflessness. “Kimmy has truly given me a gift and it’s one of the many graces I’ve received throughout all of this,” said Karee.
Although the family was forced to embrace a new normal, and their kids have more responsibilities than most, Karee says that before the accident, they were much like other families dealing with the ordinary trials and tribulations of life. “But I do think that moving through these years, my children handle stressors a lot differently. I’ve been able to see beyond the little things—the things that might have seemed important at one time. Now, it doesn’t matter if there’s dust in the corner,” she says with a laugh. “We’ve become much more resilient. And though we would never wish an accident like this to happen to anyone, we wouldn’t change what it has done for our family.”
And that is extraordinary.
